Polls Like Carter

(with apologies to Maroon 5)

[Barack:]
They all liked my smile
Praised my big brain
I won by a mile
Over McCain
In every debate
Two thousand and eight
It really felt great

Said "I'm like LeBron
And I got this"
Both Kos and MoveOn
said "He can't miss"
But what did I find?
Two thousand and nine
Made me lose my mind

And it goes like this:
Bad taste on my tongue
It went to Hell
And down rung by rung
Ratings all fell
To polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter

No stimulus
Or ObamaCare
Can lift me back up
From way down there
With polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter

All of my crew
Stay up late nights
Crafting appeals to
Working class whites
Bitter-clinger slobs
The English call "yobs"
Who all lost their jobs

But I've got no tricks
That can get through
To ignorant hicks
So I'll stick to
The upper-class Greens
And union machines
And Nan and Maxine

And it goes like this:
Bad taste on my tongue
It went to Hell
And down rung by rung
Ratings all fell
To polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter

No stimulus
Or ObamaCare
Can lift me back up
From way down there
With polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter

[Michelle:]
You wanna know
How to get their votes?
Take control,
Grab 'em by their scroats
And if you nationalize
Then they will rationalize:
Vote for you or get downsized

Your style grates
Cold and pedantic
Just imitate
My First Lady shtick
And if you nationalize
Then they will rationalize:
Vote for you or get downsized

[Barack:]
And it goes like this:
Bad taste on my tongue
It went to Hell
And down rung by rung
Ratings all fell
To polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter

No stimulus
Or ObamaCare
Can lift me back up
From way down there
With polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter

Bad taste on my tongue
It went to Hell
My bell will get rung
In two thousand twelve
If I poll like Carter
If I still poll like Carter
I've got the polls like Carter

The Day Chicago Lost

With Apologies to Paper Lace

On a Scandinavian day
In the land of the fairy tale
When the town of Chicago lost
And it was an epic fail

When a hero named Barack
Tried to make that meeting rock
And he called upon his wife
For the struggle of her life

What did Obama cost
To join the bid the day Chicago lost?
Wonder who the blame will hit because
What a stupid shame it really was
Glory be

Chicago's bid got tossed
Michelle was pissed the day Chicago lost
Brother what a waste of time and bucks
Obama got a taste of how he sucks
Yes indeed

And Michelle brought up the kids
In the slums of the old South Side
But the first vote on the bids
Meant Chicago's hopes had died

There was silence in the street
The crowd shuffling its feet
And I asked someone who said
The Obama magic's dead

What did Obama cost
To join the bid the day Chicago lost?
Wonder who the blame will hit because
What a stupid shame it really was
Glory be

Chicago's bid got tossed
Michelle was pissed the day Chicago lost
Brother what a waste of time and bucks
Obama got a taste of how he sucks
Yes indeed

All was still on Air Force One
But the spinning had begun
David Axelrod told lies
The defeat to minimize
And that moron Robert Gibbs
Gave the talking points to libs

What did Obama cost
To join the bid the day Chicago lost?
Wonder who the blame will hit because
What a stupid shame it really was
Glory be

Chicago's bid got tossed
Michelle was pissed the day Chicago lost
Brother what a waste of time and bucks
Obama got a taste of how he sucks
Yes indeed

Chicago's bid got tossed
Michelle was pissed the day Chicago lost
Brother what a waste of time and bucks
Obama got a taste of how he sucks
Yes indeed